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"Poured Out" by Still Here

 

Things in the mind...................who do you tell..........I told Lisa, I always told Lisa...................she understood my craziness.................if you stumble upon this, read with caution.........

 

Days go by

Friday 8/21/2007 10:35 P.M.

Day 224, since Lisa was killed, and day 172 since my better half went on his trip to a location far far away, 5919 web site hits, 1 wonderful email, and about 250 sets of little shinny dog tags, in the packages.

 

Days go by:

I miss you everyday and I miss my hubby. I feel like you are really the only one that ever truly understood how much he and I really love one another. I know that in life you deserved someone who made you as happy as he makes me. I am not sure if there was someone out there that good. Kristina and I used to joke that we could clone Jeremy and then she could have someone who was awesome for here like he is for me. I wish you were going to be here to have all these moments. I know you would be here without question when he comes home and you would be here without question when that time comes to have a baby. Now I have no idea how I am going to do all that. This ruined the whole plan. You and Kristina and Marie were suppose to get all the baby stuff so I didn't have to do anything but have a fat tummy. Keep watching over my hubby so he is good and safe. I know you help him. He misses you and knows you are there watching over him. All this stuff, this year, boo to 2007. It is all too much. Yet the days go by. We laugh-- We cry-- and the days go by. Things go good and things go bad and yet I wish you were here to bring you silly humor to it all.

Professional Attire in the work place

Wednesday 7/25/2007 10:28 P.M.

Day 188, since Lisa was killed, and day 136 since my better half went on his trip to a location far far away, 5747 web site hits, 0 emails, and about 250 sets of little shinny dog tags, in the packages.

 

Professional Attire in the professional work place:

I think it is a double standard that only benefits the over catered and over weight populous that plagues our society and makes riding on an air plane more uncomfortable than it already is.

I am not allowed to wear dress Capri pants to work, which for those of you who know me, probably has you wondering--why would I want to. Well since recently I took light of the situation and determined that it was an article of clothing I would previously never consider wearing actually does wonders for my shape and can actually be quite comfortable.

Yet, even with this new acceptance, it is not allowed. The troubling part of it is that there is a girl in my building who clearing broke the "No Sleeveless shirt" rule yesterday and I was subjected to the 6 (let me spell that out SIX) rolls of stomach turning fat that is her back fat, not six front rolls--SIX ungodly back fat rolls. Yet not a word was said about the dress code that strictly prohibits the shirt regardless of size.

So I have come to the decision that I should be able to wear Capri pants to work regardless of how freakin' white my legs are if they are going to allow six rolls of disgusting back fat in a lacy sleeveless shirt to pass as professional attire.

More on Professional Attire, that makes you wonder two things (1) Do they have a mirror in there house and (2) Am I really the only one aware of this?

A girl who literally wears the exact same pants every single day, not the same style--the actual same pair.

Guys who wear three different color polo shirts with a pair of Wal-Mart special kaki pants and wonder why people think they are idiots.

This one should make sense--BRUSH YOUR HAIR, get it cut somewhere other than Wal-Mart or at least try washing it.

News Flash, just because it has a collar does not mean that it is professional attire. If your shirt is more faded than the fire lane stripes on the payment that haven't been touched up since before I was born--break down, seriously and buy a NEW shirt.

And lastly because I really must go to sleep so that I might have the energy to go and face this horrible display of fashion chaos I call my office; if I made a SIGN (which we know I am not allowed to do) of all the people in my office and broke the down in to categories ranging from Professional Attire, Semi-Professional Attire, Business Casual, Casual and OH MY GOD WHAT WHERE YOU THINKING, I can count the number of people who fit into the Professional Attire group by myself without using my toes. So I ask you this, if there was not a strange relationship between the number of obscenely over weight people and the number of people who don't meet the Dress Code posted in our office, what would the appearance in our building be?

Life Lessons: Kids don't buy new cars they get them sold to them.

 July 2007

Starting from the beginning, my first semi-new car was a 1998 Honda Civic, that at age 19 I financed on my own for $9999.00 dollars at the amazing interest rate of 26.75%. Oh yes, I did it and thought I was doing so good. Thanks to the Honda dealership in Marietta, GA I bought a vehicle that had I paid for until the loan was paid I would have paid for three time.

Life Lesson: Worry about the total price and interest, not your monthly payment.

A few years and a couple of used cars later, I made my move to purchase yet another new car. This time I had my eye on a 2004 Ford Expedition, in December of 2004. Because it was the end of the year I was getting a real deal on the car; that is until I got all excited to have it and drove off the lot. Not realizing that the prep crew who washed and prepped my new vehicle had put a 1" by 4" scratch on the bumper and forgot to fill it with gas. A bottle of touched paint and a $60 visit to the pump (before gas prices went up) later and I was feeling pretty good about the 1.9% interest and the barely over dealer invoice price I had successfully negotiated.

Life Lesson: Inspect every detail prior to making the deal and try not to get caught up in the emotionally excitement of having a new car.

Yet another few years and some serious paying off of bills, and I made my go at buying my husband his dream car. I went to the dealership and attempted to purchase a 2007 Ford Mustang Shelby GT500, and I had quite the experience. Looking at the vehicle costing around $47,000-$57,000 dollars, it was imperative that it had every detail to my husbands specification, especially considering he wouldn't see it prior to me buying it because he was not home. The first guy to pounce on me as I approached the building was a gentleman by the name of Brandon, very young and ambitious, so his sales record dictated. I told him I was unable to order the vehicle I wanted online and asked him to type the specs into his computer and tell me where I could get one. He proceeded to take me into a cubicle with no computer.

Life Lesson: Blonde girls on "car lots" do not get taken seriously.

I begun listing off the specs as he scribbled on a piece of paper, several times he tried to convince me to order a 2008 King of the Road Mustang (a completely different car than the one I was asking for.) After listing the details I explained that these were the specs, that I did not want some and not all, it had to be like I said or not at all. Part way through talking to me, he jumped up and opened the door to there show room for an older gentleman, and then proceeded to tell me upon his return "Around here you have to learn who is important and look out for them."

Life Lesson: Unless you walk up with the money train lights blinking over your head, you are not worth attention or respect.

He returned to tell me that if I wanted that car I should find Carroll Shelby (the designer of the car) and ask him to make it for me.

Life Lesson: When you have learned three lesson with one snoot nosed kid car dealer, it is time to Fire him and move on.

I proceeded to call the dealership in the next closest location, a mere 45 min drive seemed reasonable if they were willing to get the car I wanted. I gave them my specs and a number to contact me at, again explaining that if it wasn't that car it wasn't worth bothering me about. The guy calls me back and tells me that he can't get that car, so I thanked him for his time and let him know that if he couldn't get it I would not need any additional service from him. He proceeded to call me every other day for the next three weeks to ask me if I was still in the market for a new Mustang. To which I replied, you said you couldn't get me what I wanted, I am not in the market to buy anything from you, and no I am not going to drive down to your lot.

Life Lesson: Be leery to give car dealers any contact information that they can use to harass you.

The search continued, accepting a couple of things of course, the Shelby was out of the question, to few to choose from and to much for it not to be exact. I begun trying to piece together a 2007 Mustang GT, with the specifications that my husband desired. Good news being, it was not only possible but a lot less expensive. I returned to the dealership and immediately I was pounced on by another car salesman (special note: the salesman who just seconds before leaping up to practically help me with my car door was sprawled out across the back of a golf cart with another salesman.) I explained to Jerell that I had already FIRED two other salesman and that I wanted to be taken seriously, that I was in the market for a very specific car and that I had very simple instructions about how I would be dealing with him.

Instructions:

1. Do not call me, unless I ask you for something and you are calling me to give it to me.

2. Do not call me, to see if I am ready to buy the car, if you don't hear from me, then I am not ready.

The Rules seem simple enough and Jerell seemed confident he could handle those terms and deliver the car to me prior to the Sept 15th deadline I selected. So we begin the list again, running through the features and specifications I wanted on the vehicle. To save effort on the play by play lets talk about what went wrong. Not long after we begun discussions on the specific car he thought I wanted, the "Yo Yo Ganster Rap" starter kit, broke lose.

Life Lesson: Do not do business with people who speak in ibonics.

He called me at work saying "Why you playin games with me" and then he didn't even get what I had asked him to get (so he was clearly in violation of the rules.)

Then I requested a price on a specific part that I wanted installed on the vehicle, to which I was told "The parts people say you don't know what you are talking about, Roush doesn't make a back glass louver"

Life Lesson: Again, Blonde girls on "car lots" do not get taken seriously. I couldn't possibly know anything about a car part. For humor go to Google and type "Roush Retro Rear Window Louver," so you to can see how easy it was to locate this part.

At this point I should have taken my own life lesson and FIRED him, but I gave him another chance. A chance to tell me what the price was on the car he was going to bring in from another car dealership. His awesome deal price for me was, $34,538.12 dollars out the door financed at 3.9% through Ford. So I had a friend make a phone call to the dealership where the car was located, gave them the VIN and asked them what they would sell it to me for if I came in tomorrow with a check for it, there Sales managers reply was $26,000 tax, title and tags out the door. So low and behold Jerell was FIRED.

Life Lesson: Not sure but apparently if you are blonde and a girl it means you should pay over $8000 dollars more for a car.

So I made a plan to drive two and a half hours away to the dealership that offered me the same car for $26,000 dollars out the door. The day before my trip a friend saw new mustangs at the dealership locally, so I stopped by to see what came in.

....There is more to this story..............I will finish it soon.........

Turmoil and Chaos

Tuesday 7/20/2007 4:38 P.M.

Day 182, since Lisa was killed, and day 131 since my better half went on his trip to a location far far away, 5711 web site hits, 0 emails, and about 250 sets of little shinny dog tags, in the packages.

 

I read a forum yesterday talking about "If Airline Companies sold paint."

It was very amusing, but I mention this because it made me think about the craziness in everyone's heads and about the time we spend doing things.

For those of you who actually know me and have had the experience (it is definitely that), I will admit to the following:

I am very blunt, my voice is very loud, and yes my voice does get louder when I am angry or excited.

I will either tell you way more than you wanted or needed to get or understand what I was saying or nothing at all, like I never tell you anything.

My mind is in at least fourteen places at the same time, I have to focus to sleep cause my mind is still in 6th gear in a 5 speed.

If you say anything that triggers one of those moving parts, it will stop and reference about a hundred things that in my mind it is tied to, and I will tell you about it, even if you don't care.

I align the DVD's on the entertainment center because they make me crazy, but you can have a leaning tower of dish disaster in your sink and I am not fazed by it. Nor, will I seriously consider washing them unless there is nothing else to eat off of.

 

This is my craziness, a little of it. Which brings us to how I spend my time.

 

I feel like I do about a million and a half things every second and that justifies why I do not take anytime to call anyone or email them or have a "MySpace" account which is the new trend for 2007. But really I have a lot of time. I just choose not to do certain things. I don't really think that I actually have to pencil in time to call someone and write myself little notes because I don't care, I really think it is because I don't think that they will care. That and I think I spend an exceptional amount of time doing what is nice and helpful--until recently when I have spend a lot of time being mad about things I cannot control and I probably have a total different perspective on.

 

Example (1): Visiting People who don't visit you

        -Plane tickets cost the same in either direction

        -Yet it is always more expensive for people to come visit you than it is for you to go visit them.

        -When people come to see you they expect to have all of your attention, yet when you go to see them they expect you to give them all your attention. When is it that some is giving there attention to you?

 

Example (2): Maintaining this web site

        -6/5/2006 was the last message I received to post on this site.

        -6/2/2006 was the last email I got that wasn't spam.

        -So why check it all day like I was before, why worry about getting to posting everything right away.

        -It doesn't mean I care any less, I just don't see adding it to my stress pile, to try and maintain something that is maintained.

        -Twisted perspective, I don't ever email anyone, yet I get upset when I check the email and there is nothing on here, not my own, but none in this mail box, makes me angry. Unexplainably angry, because I a bitter about people who want to keep in touch with me NOW, after this has happened, but did not make any effort before. (Not people I just meet, just people I have known forever.) And still if they did keep in touch, they would be right fully angry at me, cause I never call or email anyone. And we are back to twisted perspective.

 

Things that make me angry:

        -People who drive around with there music so loud, I have to listen to it.

        -People who use online yard sales to buy stuff other people are throwing away and then act like they are shopping for designer furniture.

        -Car Salesman, but we will save that for another day and I will tell you about the 3 I fired in less than a month.

       

New things that bring me back:

        In life there is always some sort of balance, tragically the person who understands my craziness and twisted perspective is Lisa and not having her to share it with makes it harder to balance. Yet, in the past few months I have been blessed with people who are different parts of everything she was for me and I know that it is the balance I need. God gave me my loving husband who no matter how crazy I am loves me to no end. God gave me Mini and Denell who though I have not fully understood the whole thing I know are here to keep me sane and stable.

 

--Still Here

 

The next thing I though of

Tuesday 7/20/2007 4:38 P.M.

Day XXX, since Lisa was killed, and day XXX since my better half went on his trip to a location far far away, XXXX web site hits, X emails, and about 225 sets of little shinny dog tags, in the packages.

 

I wonder